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This....is us.

Close your eyes. Imagine you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the ocean. Down below rests the sea, it’s quite and calm, with only small and unnoticeable waves breaking on the shore. Far, far beyond on the horizon, the sun is beginning to set. It is painted with magnificent colours of reds, oranges, yellows, golds. There is grass on this cliff, long, soft grass that tickles your ankles as you stand, gives you a sense of freedom, blows in the wind as your heart does. You’re standing there, with the wind blowing through your hair, making you feel as free as any bird of the sky, the beautiful kind, as beautiful as you feel right there, right at that moment as you stand with weak knees with the grass brushing against yours legs, as the wind blows against your cheeks, as the beautiful sun in setting in colors that words cannot describe. The sunset is beautiful; beautiful as your first love, beautiful as the blessings life gives you, beautiful as listening to lovely music, beautiful as knowing there is true love, beautiful as finding good things in everything bad…more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. IT takes your breath away. It leaves you there, with eyes that can only see and imagine describing its beauty to someone else, but you know you can’t because it’s just too great, too wonderful. While looking out at the magic the sun, the wind, the colors that are created around you, you realize that I am standing right next to you, in awe and wonder at the same sight you are viewing. You can tell that my own heart and mind is lost in this indescribable beauty and you leave me there, to think, to dream, to continue to wonder in awe. Looking down, seeing the warm breeze making the grass dance around your knees, you see your hands are cupped, holding pieces of glass, glass that is colored, tarred, shining, dull, cracked, and burned…the glass of your heart. Next to you, you see that I have my own hands cupped in the same way, holding my own shards of glass, the glass of my broken heart. You lift your head, no longer wanting to look at what we hold in our bleeding hands, wanting to turn away, to ignore the pain. The wind begins to blow, really blow, and you think, just for that second, that it will blow all the pain away, take the broken shards of our hearts away, and steal us away to a better, happier place, where we could be the people we were meant to be, not the people we are now. The wind does not follow through with your hopes, but causes you and I to raise our hands, raise our arms, stretched out to the heavens of the world, stretched to the space above our tangled brains to a place we wish our mended hearts could one day be. The sunlight from our setting star hits the burned, cracked splinters of our hearts, causing even more magnificent colours to be streaked through the glass, more magnificent colours than what the setting sun was creating…the light twists around us, spills over us, encompasses us in remnants of our hearts, our love. We stand there, arms outstretched to the heavens, holding the broken pieces of our hearts, our love, watching as these colours leave us even more breathless, leave us broken, beautiful, lost, wandering, confused, sad, and amazed. The wind is still blowing, blowing hard around us. You notice my curly hair, twisting and turning around my tear-streaked face, dancing in the breeze. It breaks your heart. I can see your tear-streaked face, too, but it is hidden more than my own. As the wind dances around us, teases us, fools us, we wish that it can carry the love we have left in our bodies, in our souls, to each other. We wish that the powerful winds of this cliff can be pulled into our bodies, through the last pieces of our hearts, our love, that were left behind from the war, pushed out through our eyes that had once seen wonderful, lovely things between the two of us, and sent to each other, to tell each other, whisper to one another, of the love that was created between our two souls, something unforgettable, something that we know we both want to keep alive. But we know deep down that we can only hold the shards of these broken hearts in our hands, still eternally hoping the wind will always let the other know that the love remains…because if we touch each other, we know we will shatter each other’s skin, each other’s last pieces of life. So we stand there, stand by side, watching the glorious sun set in colours of reds, oranges, yellows, golds, watch as the light twists and turns around the debris of our broken hearts as we lift them up to the wind, to eternity. We stand there, tear-streaked faces, swollen eyes, not wanting to say our last goodbye. We stand there, for eternity, knowing we can’t touch each other, longing to do so anyway, knowing our hearts’ shattered pieces are what lie ahead…what is to happen, what has happened. And it breaks our hearts to think of this image every time each other’s name arises. It breaks our hearts, or at least, what is left of our hearts………

Be my flying bird

I haven't blogged in a while. School has been so busy, among other things. I hope all is well with you, my dear readers.

Spring break starts next Monday and I can't tell you how excited I am for it to finally arrive! I am a little saddened, though, because I start my second job the day spring break starts. This means that I won't be travelling, like I did last year. I love to travel, even if it's only for a weekend and I'm sad that I won't be able to take a good road trip with my love. I suppose everything happens for a reason, right? Right.

I just got the new Adele cd and I must say---amazing! I love her soulfulness and the simple beauty in her voice. Her video for Rolling In The Deep is quite good too, you should watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw I always love finding out amazing new artists that keep up with their amazingness. I heard about Adele when she first came to the United States and I have loved her work ever since. I hope you enjoy her tunes, too.

I want to have a mustache & beard party. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I would invite all the friends and acquaintances that I have, only allowing them to come to the party if they have a home-made beard and/or mustache. It would be awesome if people could be creative and make some out of clay, newspapers, and cloth, etc. If you could come to my party, what would you make your mustache out of? Think outside the box.

I have another photo project that I'm currently working on...or trying to work on. I'm trying to come up with an interesting concept and a good execution of that idea. I want to use myself for this project, something that I have hardly done in the photo class that I am in now. Usually, I use myself in a lot of my work but for some reason, I have kinda stayed away from doing that this semester. I want this next project to have a very dream-like, fantacy-like, fairy tale-like feel to it. I really don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I think it should turn out pretty good....hopefully!

I am on a gluten-free and dairy-free diet right now. I have been having a lot of really bad stomach problems and thought that it would be good to kick out some of the major things that I know have been making me sick. Milk has always made me feel sick, sadly, so that was the first thing to go. After seeing a doctor, I was able to understand that my stomach problems may be due to my consumption of gluten. Unfortunately, gluten is in a lot of things like bread, tortillas, cookies, etc. I am feeling a lot better, now, but I miss having cereal with real milk and eating my tortillas with my much-loved Mexican food...

I shall leave you all, now. I hope your weeks and days are going splendidly. Please ask spring weather to come quicker; I miss it dearly.

Ciao <3

Plans & Changes

"...but our love is here to stay."

I am planning a wedding. My own wedding, for that matter. When I first got engaged, I was superrrr excited and started looking at dresses, venues, and music to have for the wedding. Now, I'm not as excited. Maybe it's because I've become so busy with school that it has slipped to second in importance, or maybe it's because I'm realizing how young I am. Marriage sounds wonderfully fun--waking up to my best friend every morning, spending time together doing fun and normal things and loving it because I get to do it with the man I love, and knowing that this one single person is going to be with me and love me for the rest of our lives. Anyone would want that right? I believe I do too. However, I'm thinking about marriage and spending THE REST OF MY LIFE with this ONE person whom I've only known for about 3 years. Don't get me wrong, I love this man very very much and I'm really excited about living with him and loving him forever. I also couldn't imagine living my life with anyone else but him. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about how I will feel by getting married so young. Maybe it's just the change that scares me, and not the actual marriage, though. I am not very good at change, not good at all. When I moved from high school to college, I was very upset and it was very unsettling for me for a while at the beginning. I got through it, though, and once I did, I looked back and realized that it was the change from high school to college that made me so unsettling, not the fact that I was busier than I was when I was in high school, as I thought. I think marriage is a wonderful thing and I'm grateful that I get to be married at a young age when I've discovered my other half, or more so, that God has given him to me to love and be loved by. I think marriage also has its' own stresses and downsides too, though. I'm worried about not having enough money for rent and food, I'm worried that I will be too busy with school (since I'll still be in college for a couple years when I get married) to spend quality time with my new husband or that I won't have enough time to work and make rent. I'm worried that our marriage will fail. Maybe I've read and heard of too many marriages failing and that I'm already starting to think that our marriage will fail, even before we've had the wedding! I know, I may sound crazy, but this is all coming from my heart. I'm worried and I wish I wasn't. I know (or hope...) that my marriage with my best friend will last for the rest of our lives. I mean, that's why God put us together, right? Yes, that's right. He put us together for a reason, and that reason is so that we can live togther with faith, hope, and love for the rest of our earthly lives. This has really helped me. I guess I need to blog more...I help myself out by writing all these crazy thoughts down.

I'm going to eat chocolate, take a bubble bath, and read about Sherlock Holmes now.

Ciao Xoxox

Sweet Surrender

I have about 5 days until I go back to school. As of today, I'm desperate to return. I've realized that I'm the kind of person that NEEDS to be busy, even if it's just with one thing. I haven't had much of anything to do lately...it's depressing. I know some people who can make things to do, like knowing they have a whole day that they can use to do whatever they wish and will make that day very productive. I can be that way too, sometimes. However, for today, I was supposed to go to work but they cancelled my shift for the second time this week so my whole day's schedule was pretty messed up. Usually, I can adjust, but not today. I really need another job, preferably one where I can take photos or process them, like at Walgreens or something. I've already applied at two places for a photo tech job. Pray I will get it! Anyway...

I watched about 4 episodes of My Fair Wedding with David Tutera today. It's such a good show! It's about brides who are trying to plan their wedding and the amazing wedding planner David Tutera steps in, takes control, and transforms the bride's wedding into a spectacular & magical day. After watching a couple espisodes, I started to get really nervous that my own planning would turn into a disaster like many of the brides on the show. I'm pretty confident that I know the direction I want my wedding design and theme to go but you never know what could happen/go wrong! I'm hoping my own planning will turn out okay. Let's cross our fingers.

I hope things are going well for you all. I hope you're keeping busy and are happy.

Ciao